Just So You Know

I don't think I'd ever have the guts to say this to you in person. I'm not accustomed to expressing emotions (besides anger) w/ words. I believe that I'm much more eloquent in writing.

But. This has been on my mind for a really long time. Years even.

I'm not sure if you know this or not, but you are my "person". Like, my go-to person when I have a crappy day, the "vent out everything" person, tell you who I like and who I don't like, voice out my opinions because I know no one else will really care, I'll feel better after I tell you what's on my mind, person. The list actually exceeds that above. I realize that I joke around with you a lot, make fun of you, even (though that is just kind of how our friendship is). But. Throughout the years, I firmly believe that you have become one of my closest friends. I guess the part that bothers me is knowing that maybe, you're not as open and comfortable with me as I am with you. I guess we're not on the same page, huh? I hate cliches. The words "best friend" sound cliche and superficial to me. But. If I had to name a best friend right now. You'd be it. I wish you wouldn't bottle up what you have to say and what you feel. I wish you'd vent out to me when you have to. I wish you wouldn't keep it all in. I wish you wouldn't deal with it by yourself. I am a firm believer of the fact that humans were made to interact. We weren't meant to take on life by ourselves. I wish you wouldn't take on your life, your struggles, your joys, your hurts, by yourself. I know that there are bigger problems in the world than yours, but that doesn't make yours less important. That doesn't mean people aren't willing to listen. I am. I want to. I wish. "Joy shared is joy doubled, burden shared is burden halved" Friendships aren't meant to be one-sided. You're not only here for me to vent to, nor are you only here to listen to my bitterness, etc. I would gladly, really, more than gladly, listen to you, hear you. I'm not annoyed with you. I'm not angry with you. I appreciate you for who you are. Even if you do choose to keep everything in, I'll understand. And, I realize that you don't necessarily want to be this way, to bottle all things in, I think thats why I appreciate you a lot...But know that, even though I rarely show it with words, I really do care for you. Regardless of how much you share, or don't share, I still care. But, I guess we haven't failed completely in the friendship, right? I mean, you get how I work, what makes me tick, and I, to some degree, get you, what you will say, you're expressions, you're hand-motions. It's cuz we're telepathic. And, maybe, I'm completely wrong. Maybe this really is a one-sided friendship. Maybe I really do think of you as too close of a friend as you consider me. In which case, I'd feel foolish, but that's OK.

I'm sorry that I haven't been the best friend to you. I think I get carried away sometimes, thinking that I'm an awesome friend. But. Ha. Funny right? Sorry that I didn't ask more of how you were doing, sorry that I keep venting to you, maybe never giving you a chance to say anything. And. Sorry that you've been having a hard time with life. But...

I look forward to catching up with you again(another 5 hour car talk?) and I'd gladly eat your grilled cheese sandwiches any day (at least until you become EXCELLENT at cooking), and please take my GSC presidency. muahaha.

I'm glad I got all this out. Esp. knowing that you will probably never read this, but...secretly...I wish you would...just saying.