April showers bring May flowers.

Today, I received in the mail a letter I wrote to myself in the summer at Freshman Orientation back in June. Here's what I wrote:

June 17,2010

Dear Tanya,

They are making me write a letter for you to read at the end of freshman year.

(write about how you feel right now)

Right now, I am very tired. We've been walking around all day and playing games, this feels a lot like summer camp. It's so weird to me that I am at orientation to start college. COLLEGE. I feel like a sophomore in high school still, I don't feel ready for this. Maybe that's why I'm not super excited. Being here all day, it's kind of all been a dream, it feels surreal. It hasn't hit me yet.

(Write about one funny thing that happened today)

When I first got here this morning, I overheard an O'Leader say, "This year's batch isn't as good looking as last year's batch." Sucks for us. Apparently, LMU is known for it's vast number of great looking white boys.

(write about your fears and hopes)

Fears: I'm scared that I will be outside of my comfort zone. So far in orientation, I've counted a total of 4 Asians, including myself. NOT that I'm racist, but it'll be new not having a group of friends made up of 99% Asians. But then again, I could become a social butterfly and make a bunch of friends, and not do any school work (which is another fear). I'm also scared that I will start to wither spiritually. I hope I don't get so busy and preoccupied that I put God second.

Hopes: I hope I will take ownership of my faith. I hope I'll have a cool roommate and we'll be able to get along, or at least, live together. I hope I will meet cool people. I hope I'll be driven to do well in school. I hope to serve more at church.

(Lastly, write about your goals)

Goals:

-DO NOT GAIN THE FRESHMAN 15. LOSE WEIGHT INSTEAD. I'M SERIOUS.

-Freshman year = no boyfriend...maybe.

-Sophomore year = find one of those cute boys they talked about. just kidding. seriously. don't do it.

-Mature in faith, memorize more Scripture. PRIORITIZE GOD.

-Don't slack off in school work.

-Get involved, meet new people, be open to change.

So, I guess, as you're reading this, freshman year is about to be over. What did you think? Did you complete those goals? Are you ready for sophomore year? Are you closer to God? I hope you feel better than I do right now.

Bye,

Tanya.

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As I read this today, the first thing I thought to myself was: That was 10 months ago?? Feels like an eternity ago. I barely even remember writing it.

The second thing I thought was: So much for that cool roommate.

The third thing was: ...Where were those good looking boys...?

But in all seriousness, I've been reflecting on this past year recently, and this letter came in perfect timing. I think, it really solidifies for me God's faithfulness and sovereignty all throughout this year. There's been a lot of ups and downs but looking back, I can see God's hand arranging every detail. I don't think I expected a lot of things that happened this year. But all of it has been so good. I feel like, God has been so close to me this year. And I don't think I've ever seen God so actively working in my life. Nor have I been so humbled at the abundance of blessings He lays on me, none of which I deserve. This year, I learned the power of fervent prayer. My morning prayer time is probably my favorite time of the day. And it's through that time that I see that He listens to my every word. He is so good for knowing every single detail of my life. I have no need to worry.

This year, there's been a lot of needing to be patient. A lot of needing to trust God and wait. But mainly, a lot of rejoicing at the work that He's doing. And a lot of hope for what's to come.