Reminder to Self:

Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
1 Peter 3:4.


time to get to work. 

"I do know that waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty, to carry within oneself the unanswered question, lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one's thoughts."  Elizabeth Elliot


"Until the will and the affections are brought under the authority of Christ, we have not begun to understand, let alone accept, His Lordship. The Cross, as it enters the love life, will reveal the heart's truth." Elizabeth Elliot


Hebrews 10:36 - You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God you will receive what He has promised. 


Romans 12:12 - Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 


Psalm 27:14 - Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. 


1 Chronicles 16:11 - Look to the Lord and His strength, seek His face always. 

April showers bring May flowers.

Today, I received in the mail a letter I wrote to myself in the summer at Freshman Orientation back in June. Here's what I wrote:

June 17,2010

Dear Tanya,

They are making me write a letter for you to read at the end of freshman year.

(write about how you feel right now)

Right now, I am very tired. We've been walking around all day and playing games, this feels a lot like summer camp. It's so weird to me that I am at orientation to start college. COLLEGE. I feel like a sophomore in high school still, I don't feel ready for this. Maybe that's why I'm not super excited. Being here all day, it's kind of all been a dream, it feels surreal. It hasn't hit me yet.

(Write about one funny thing that happened today)

When I first got here this morning, I overheard an O'Leader say, "This year's batch isn't as good looking as last year's batch." Sucks for us. Apparently, LMU is known for it's vast number of great looking white boys.

(write about your fears and hopes)

Fears: I'm scared that I will be outside of my comfort zone. So far in orientation, I've counted a total of 4 Asians, including myself. NOT that I'm racist, but it'll be new not having a group of friends made up of 99% Asians. But then again, I could become a social butterfly and make a bunch of friends, and not do any school work (which is another fear). I'm also scared that I will start to wither spiritually. I hope I don't get so busy and preoccupied that I put God second.

Hopes: I hope I will take ownership of my faith. I hope I'll have a cool roommate and we'll be able to get along, or at least, live together. I hope I will meet cool people. I hope I'll be driven to do well in school. I hope to serve more at church.

(Lastly, write about your goals)

Goals:

-DO NOT GAIN THE FRESHMAN 15. LOSE WEIGHT INSTEAD. I'M SERIOUS.

-Freshman year = no boyfriend...maybe.

-Sophomore year = find one of those cute boys they talked about. just kidding. seriously. don't do it.

-Mature in faith, memorize more Scripture. PRIORITIZE GOD.

-Don't slack off in school work.

-Get involved, meet new people, be open to change.

So, I guess, as you're reading this, freshman year is about to be over. What did you think? Did you complete those goals? Are you ready for sophomore year? Are you closer to God? I hope you feel better than I do right now.

Bye,

Tanya.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As I read this today, the first thing I thought to myself was: That was 10 months ago?? Feels like an eternity ago. I barely even remember writing it.

The second thing I thought was: So much for that cool roommate.

The third thing was: ...Where were those good looking boys...?

But in all seriousness, I've been reflecting on this past year recently, and this letter came in perfect timing. I think, it really solidifies for me God's faithfulness and sovereignty all throughout this year. There's been a lot of ups and downs but looking back, I can see God's hand arranging every detail. I don't think I expected a lot of things that happened this year. But all of it has been so good. I feel like, God has been so close to me this year. And I don't think I've ever seen God so actively working in my life. Nor have I been so humbled at the abundance of blessings He lays on me, none of which I deserve. This year, I learned the power of fervent prayer. My morning prayer time is probably my favorite time of the day. And it's through that time that I see that He listens to my every word. He is so good for knowing every single detail of my life. I have no need to worry.

This year, there's been a lot of needing to be patient. A lot of needing to trust God and wait. But mainly, a lot of rejoicing at the work that He's doing. And a lot of hope for what's to come.

hey you.

you're cooler than the flip side of my pillow.

thats right.

too much talent in one room.

Philemon: dude

i can

spell any of the original 150 pokemon

me: ...

Philemon: just ask me which one

and i'll spell it

Dear Class,

I need you more than I can even comprehend. I don't see a bright future without you. But you've been so needy lately, always making me do this and that. Do we really need to keep meeting like this? At 8am? I'm just not happy anymore. Please get your act together. We've still got a long road ahead of us.

Love,

Tanya

Not even a penny.

Yesterday was Baby Samuel's celebration service. The service was beautifully structured around giving glory to God for all that He's done through Samuel's life. As I sat there...I couldn't help but think about Hosea.

I've been reading Hosea again for my quiet times, and my goodness, he was quite a man! You really only hear about Hosea's life in the first few chapters of the book. From it, we find out that he was an obedient man who listened when God told him to marry a prostitute. He goes after his unfaithful wife over and over again as her wandering heart leaves him. It's so amazing to me the way God uses Hosea to demonstrate His love and mercy towards Israel. But even more so, I'm amazed by Hosea's understanding of the little value his life has. In this present age, we're told to "save" ourselves for the right person to marry. You don't want to give your heart away to just anyone...and certainly not to a prostitute. We learn to guard our hearts, not to give ourselves away too easily, and to find a godly spouse. We do it because we think we're of some sort of worth, that we ought to cherish ourselves and our lives, don't we? And yet...the fact that we even have BREATH is because God is gracious and full of mercy. We are worthless creatures trying to establish meaning in a temporary world. Hosea must have had such a firm grasp on the fact that his life was completely worthless if not used to bring glory to the One who gives him undeserved life. In reckless abandonment, he lets God use him in whichever way He pleased. Hosea knew his life was not his own...that his sole purpose was to bring God glory. He obediently marries a prostitute to illustrate God's love and mercy towards Israel. If Hosea was alive today, people might look at his marriage and feel sorry for him. They might look down on him for having married an outcast, feel bad that he has to chase after an unfaithful wife, think he's foolish to stay with her. But...when I see Hosea, I see a man who's lived a full life.

Is it possible that the world sees Samuel and feels sad that his life was so short lived? Yes. But if the fullness of life was measured by how we used it for God, then I am so convicted that Samuel lived a fuller life in his 19 days on this earth than I have in these past 18 years. He's told more people about Jesus in these 19 days then I have in my 6866-something days. God worked because Samuel was willing. The possibilities are scary if we lived fully convinced that we are just a vessel in God's great work. Imagine the glory He would receive if we were willing like Hosea and Samuel. I'm so humbled to have known Samuel's story. It's made me reexamine my life and my heart for God. Thank You, Father, for using this infant to remind me of Your goodness.