i'll go.

yea i know. i should stop complaining. and yea, i know i need to keep an open mind and just go since i have no other choice. im glad you'd be excited to go. and you're right, i'll probably end up being glad i went, etc etc etc. but for this moment now. i dont want to go. when i'm on the plane, i'll change my mindset, most likely. probably. maybe. i want to be home. i want to be comfortable. i want feel stable. i dont want to experience new things right now. but ok God, i know you never called me to be comfortable. You never promised a life of being in my comfort zone. but seriously God, this time, its all You. i have no expectations for this trip. i cant depend on myself at all this time. but ok. I'll go. if You want me to.